Why do you sometimes feel completely disturbed

4 quickest ways to shatter your self-esteem. And how to avoid them.

It is my greatest joy and my best imagination that the ambassadors of love run through this world with swollen chests and overflowing with happiness, instead of crouching their heads insecure and full of self-doubt.
Because remember: only those who are happy can also make others happy.

Being aware of yourself (= knowing who you are and who you are NOT) has far greater effects than you can imagine and is the absolute basis for a fulfilled, happy and successful life.

For this reason there is now the 3rd part of the self-confidence series - part 1. and 2. I already wrote.

If you want to know how to very effectively and effectively lose your self-esteem, then I would have the following advice ...


Surround yourself with people who ...
- don't take you seriously,
- do not respect you,
- and doubt you.

Otherwise they may be very nice, funny, or sociable - but often their jokes are at your expense.
Here a little remark, there a swipe, here a sharp punchline - and all of that pertaining to you.
Their disrespect is immediately played down by them:
should you defend yourself, you will not be taken seriously here either, because "that wasn't meant badly" and "what are you doing?" and "show a bit of humor."

And although you often feel small, insignificant and insecure in their presence, you surround yourself with them again and again because:
First, you have known them for years and they are your "friends".
Second, they are one of your closest relatives.
Maybe it's even your mother. Or your husband. And of course you have to endure it, no ... otherwise there is a bad mood, and of course only "because of you."
Third, they may be your boss - and you can't just disagree or terminate, after all, you need the money, what am I going to use to pay my rent next month.

How you twist and turn it - you feel that you are not really taken seriously.

very often it runs subliminally, very well, and is not really obvious!
You may not be able to put it aptly, but some situations with these people and sentences from them make you feel uncomfortable in your stomach.
A subtle feeling of being unimportant.
A latent feeling of inferiority, weakness and even stupidity ("what can / do I already know, I can't do it on my own anyway.")

It is even worse when the people you surround yourself with doubt you and repeatedly question your person, your nature and your perception.
And not always and anytime - but every now and then.
Be it your physical appearance (“your bum doesn't suit you.”), Your personality (“you are always… loud / embarrassing / shy, that annoys.”), Or your intuition (“what are you doing? That ISn’t as bad / funny / uncomfortable as you say. ”) - everything is doubted.
Of course, all of this is "only well-intentioned" - but in truth it always goes against you.

Sometimes the whole thing happens on such a subliminal level that it cannot be put into words a bit.
I'll give you an example:
you are invited to visit your mother-in-law (and we can use absolutely any person here!) - it is a sunny day, you are in a good mood and you want to put on a brightly colored, eye-catching skirt.
You are happy to tell your mother-in-law something about your latest project: maybe you have started a new degree, have found an apartment or a new job.
Once there, you suddenly feel uncomfortable - you are not sure whether the skirt was such a good idea, you hide your legs under the table and don't really know what to do with you.
Every sentence you utter about yourself suddenly sounds strange, cramped and wooden.
And although you were so enthusiastic about your new beginning, it is suddenly subdued and you think afterwards: “Well… this course / this apartment / this job is not that great either. It's nothing special."

What happened?
Your mother-in-law doesn't trust you.
She would never be so direct, but her picture of you is something like this:
“Oh, that small, weak creature. She already has so many problems and has never really got anything done. Your new project is sure to fail. I'm already sorry for her. "
But she will SAY:
"New job? How nice."
And already with "how nice." You get sick.

Got me?

This is an absolutely surefire and excellent way to permanently damage your self-esteem.
Give these people a few weeks, months, or years and give them your time - they will trample on it until it's all gone.
And afterwards still firmly assert: "That wasn't meant badly at all ...!"

Because the truth is:
they don't respect you and look down on you.
In order to enhance themselves, they make others small - and would do anything to keep them small in the long term.
Their view only extends as far as their own small horizon - and so they try to keep everyone in the haze so that they do not "overtake" them.

And the sad thing is:
in fact, in the vast majority of cases, they really don't purposely do it angry.

But why and why they do it is none of your business anyway, you are only responsible for yourself.
And it looks like this:


Anyone with whom you become insecure - anyone with whom you feel you have to pretend to be accepted and accepted - anyone who makes you feel not good enough, not smart enough, not beautiful enough, not funny enough not to be eloquent enough - is not good company for you.

He may be so desirable, so loving, so attentive, so worthwhile - if he repeatedly doubts your person or looks down on you with disdain, then you have no business.

Absolutely nothing.
Avoid every contact, every visit, every text message, every phone call - unless that doesn't drag you down a bit, you are absolutely over it, and don't get angry for a second.

But even then, I'd rather spend my time with people who love, value, and value you whenever they have the opportunity.
Surround yourself with people who are big themselves, think big and have great confidence in you.
Best of all, BIGGER than you think you can.
Be with those who challenge you, push you to your own limits, and inspire you to create whatever you want to do.
Your best company are people who do NOT judge you based on your past experiences, but simply love you unconditionally and trust you.
Who believe in you
That push you.
Who see you
YOU, and not your circumstances, your experiences, or your confused emotional state at the moment.

"But Joanna, it's easy for you to talk - where can I find people like that?"

Oh, that's not difficult at all: like attracts like.
If you yourself are such that you love, value and value others - you will attract such people like a magnet.
You can hardly prevent it: there will be a crowd around you who want exactly THAT, and are exactly THAT.
This is a law similar to gravity!

And as long as that is not the case with you:
1000 times better alone than with the wrong friends.
Even if this "alone" should take a few years - alone doesn't automatically mean lonely, right?

The people who are to accompany you on your way will be added to you as if by magic - if none are there yet, then you don't need one at the moment.
So you can really relax at this point.

Besides, you have ME.
(Yes, only virtually, but quite often, so look forward to it.)

"But Joanna, this is my own mother who is in a bad mood!"

If your own mother is in a bad mood, and repeatedly discourages you, destroys your dreams, and pulls you down emotionally ("I know you: you've ALWAYS been like that. It won't work for you at all.") - then afterwards there are TWO PEOPLE in a bad mood.
And? What did it bring?

But if you separate yourself from her for a while, follow your heart, let yourself not be stopped, your personality becomes strong, beautiful and free, at some point you will have so much power that you can love your mother freely and healthily.
(But ONLY if she wants it. If not: not your problem.)

But as long as you develop your self-confidence, I would avoid people like the devil the holy water.
Not because you don't love her - but because you love yourself most of all.

You can absolutely trust me on this matter:
if you take these steps, you'll be blooming and launching like a rocket in no time.
Everything becomes easy, and even difficulties you will overcome without much self-doubt or brooding.
Your self-esteem will become healthy and strong - and everything in your life will be based on that foundation.

And with that you not only make yourself and the people around you very happy - but also make me proud like Bolle on top of that!

Love greetings