What are good relationship boundaries

From a men's perspective: how to set boundaries in relationships (and why it's so important)

Our guest author is Chris Bloom, podcaster, mentor and coach in the field of mindfulness, self-love and authenticity. You can find him on Instagram and at www.chrisbloom.de. He writes for us on topics such as vulnerability, mindfulness, authenticity, mindfulness and self-love - all from a man's point of view.

When limits are exceeded

It often happens to us that our limits are exceeded, which doesn't feel good at all to us. This can occur in your private relationships on a romantic or unromantic level, as well as in business relationships within the world of work.

It is important to understand that in principle it is not your partner or work colleague that crosses your limit, but you allow yourself to be crossed. The topic of self-worth as well as your self-confidence play a key role here.

What exactly is going on here? And why is it happening?

The core problem is that we attach our own worth to the affirmation of our fellow human beings. We tend to find our self-worth on the outside rather than on the inside. So we focus on the people around us, striving to do everything right and to please. In the end, it is not uncommon for us to be left with a lump in our throat and an extremely unsatisfactory feeling.

This unhealthy need for confirmation from the outside can also be expressed in the fact that we increasingly buy hip clothes or other status symbols to numb our fear of whether we will be able to survive in society. We determine our self-worth by how we appear to the outside world. Above all, we signal one thing to our self-confidence: We are not enough to be pure as we are. We no longer trust each other - our inner core.

Are you wondering what you can do now?

You can learn to recognize the boundaries that are healthy for you. By meeting yourself inside yourself and learning what is good for you and what you really want. Through this introspection you will recognize your own worth, learn to respect it and be able to treat yourself more and more with love and appreciation. True love comes from within. The more you love yourself, the more you can love back true and healthy.

The effect of healthy boundaries is that you not only feel stronger and freer, you are also perceived differently on the outside. People will automatically treat you with more appreciation because they subconsciously feel that you are safe about yourself. By loving yourself, you naturally teach your fellow human beings how to love you back and what kind of company you want.

In the following, I'll give you four steps that will help you set healthy boundaries for yourself:

1. Be aware of yourself

See your own worth and wealth in you. Be grateful and develop even more inner wealth. Everything you need is already within you. It is now time to discover you. On this journey of discovery you will come to see your own worth more and more. You can also write down what you are grateful for on a daily basis.

2. Treat yourself with love and respect.

The way you treat yourself, you treat other people too. So treat yourself with love and respect. Your body is your shell. Make sure that you do something good for yourself and your case on a regular basis.

Consciously take time for yourself and build a loving relationship with you and your being. A help for this could be that you regularly mark a time window in your calendar in which you actively reserve time for yourself. So there is no other appointment between you and your appointment with yourself!

3. Communicate your desires.

Communicate your deepest needs by specifically formulating what you want. When we get hurt, we often wonder why the other person isn't seeing what's going on within us. Start observing what you value in dealing with yourself and what your deepest needs are behind them.

After you have accepted yourself for what you feel, share your wishes with those around you. Don't give up straight away if it isn't easy for you to make yourself clear right away. The fear of reactions to direct communication is understandable. But you will quickly notice that your heart will be easier as soon as you start to verbally stand up for yourself.

4. Build yourself an energetic and social environment that will take you further.

The more you find yourself and spend time with yourself, the more you will attract people into your life who will celebrate and love you for you - just the way you are. Unconditional relationships nourish you, inspire you and let you grow in a light and free atmosphere. So you can more and more create the life that really suits you. No longer choose an environment that crosses boundaries and restricts you.

Now let your fellow human beings see who you really are. Let your partner and friends feel how strong you are. For the people who belong in your life and love you, it will be a gift to see you in your light. Do you shine, do you appear attractive. So you also attract new people into your life, you suit yourself.

I wish that you will find infinite love, appreciation and trust in yourself!

You can read more from Chris Bloom here:

From a men's perspective: why you should stop comparing yourself to others

From a men's perspective: 9 things by which you can recognize your soulmate

Video: Man to Man # 3: THIS is what men really think about 'I love you'

Video by Aischa Butt

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