How can I learn to argue

Arguing Constructively: How to stay fair in an argument

Especially when you are really angry and arguing, it is sometimes difficult to be fair. But it is precisely then that it is particularly important - otherwise a conflict cannot be resolved constructively. Here are a few tips to help restore peace after the argument.

1. Everyone can have their say in a dispute

If one of you is having a hard time to let the other finish speak, then agree on an object, for example a pen or a bottle, and only the person who currently has the object is allowed to speak.

2. Be clear to avoid misunderstandings when arguing

Don't get around the bush. If something bothers you or you have a problem with something, then speak it too and do not give the other puzzles. You will not get any further with only hints or ambiguous hints.

3. It's okay to disagree

If your argument arose because you have a different opinion about something, make it clear to yourself: you may think that your opinion is correct, but the other person has one too Right to his opinionlike you. If you can't agree, then accept that you disagree. That's nothing bad.

4. Don't bring up old problems in an argument

Sometimes it is seductive, this: “This is exactly like when you ...” or “And besides, on Friday, January 12th, you said ...” The other person will then probably block completely. Focus on that current problem and don't mess everything up. By the way: Carrying something around with you so that it builds up and eventually ends in such a dispute is very counterproductive overall. It is better to speak up promptly what is bothering you, otherwise a mosquito may turn into an elephant.

5. What do you want to achieve with the discussion?

What exactly do you want to achieve with the argument? That the other shows a certain insight? That he's doing something? Or are you just basically angry without knowing exactly where this is going to lead? Try to make yourself aware what is it actually about you. Only then can the dispute lead to a solution - it may even simply vanish into thin air.

6. Argue at the right time

Of course, you can't choose when you're angry and want to let off steam. But you should know yourself or the other well enough to know when is simply not the right time to talk to each other. Some have to calm down firstbefore he can discuss things properly again. Or cry for a while to get a grip on your emotions. Go for a walk or meditate. Avoid arguments when he CANNOT be constructive at all.

7. Verbal attacks are taboo if you want to resolve the conflict

Stay down to earth and don't throw wild accusations around yourself. Avoid You messages, because these can easily injure. Avoid irony and sarcasm if possible, as these can be easily misunderstood in an argument. In no case do you get violent!

8. Also admit in an argument if you are wrong

Nobody likes to do that, but it is very important. Don't be too proudto admit when you've made a mistake yourself.

9. Stick to the truth and don't lie to your partner

Do not try yourself to talk out of something, that will only postpone the problem. Also, don't say anything that you know is wrong (for example, to distract people). Lies only ever lead to more lies, and false accusations can be deeply hurtful.

10. Take pauses for thought when you argue

Once you've gotten yourself into a rage, he'll come Accusation Flow all by itself. This is how you quickly say something that you regret afterwards. In between, consciously interrupt yourself in order to organize your thoughts and not get into a situation in which you have to say “I didn't mean that”.

Here you can find our series on the topic of nonviolent communication.