Which romantic orientation of sexuality suits me best
Suggestion Box Answer 241: Am I A-Sexual or Gray?
Attention: This post is about sexual violence or sexual abuse. If you are just not ready for this (yet), maybe leave another post!
Am I A- or Gray-Sexual?
Hello hello everyone! I apologize in advance for the longer text!
I came across your site recently and I am very happy to have found it, thanks to this dictionary and the community I realized that I am not what I thought I was.
.. At least I think so.
Which brings me to my question. I've been playing with the idea of being A- / Gray-sexual for a while, but I'm pretty unsure.
I have had little or sexual affection for other people, regardless of gender, since around the age of 18. I initially thought that it was caused by my childhood as I was sexually assaulted at the age of 7-9 and that traumatized me. In the meantime I have processed that and speak openly about this topic.
Still, until August of this year I was in a relationship that was soulful but the sex and / or sexual tension mainly came from him. Out of love for him I agreed, but I was hardly interested in himself. The end of the relationship gave me a push to think about my sexuality. Feelings are most important to me in a relationship and I can only go into a relationship if the person is really emotionally intimate and familiar to me. At the moment I don't feel the need for a relationship, the intimate familiarity of friends and family is enough for me. I never talked to my family about my sexuality, because I think 1. my father would not understand, and 2. my mother would think I was a lesbian, which she would never accept.
My best friend encouraged me to admit that I might be A- or Greysexual, for which I am very grateful.
Still, I'm confused and I'm trying to find confirmation. Maybe you can help me!
Thank you in advance for the reply, huge “Thank you!” for listening and kudos for this site! ❤
Kind regards, Michelle 🙂 ❤
You also had to wait a long time for your answer - I'm sorry!
Thank you for your praise and your kind words, we are very happy!
Of course we can't tell you what sexual (or romantic) orientation you have, nobody can. Only you can know. And nobody can forbid you to call yourself anything.
It's actually very simple: if you think the description or term “asexual” or “gray-sexual” fits you, use it! If that should change again at some point, that's okay too, but if it works for you now, that's great.
When you write, “At the moment I don't feel any need for a relationship, the intimate familiarity of friends and family is enough for me”, does that sound to me as if you could maybe also be aromantic?
What will certainly help you is the exchange with other asexual people, e.g. via AVEN, various Facebook groups or asexual round tables.
I wish you all the best, write to us again and tell us how your story continues!
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