Can I kiss my boyfriend at certain times

Overcoming lust killers: Why there is no desire for sex in a partnership and what you can do about it

Tip 1 First of all, accept that you are currently not in the mood for sex. It is not a reason to judge yourself or feel inferior. It is just an indication that for whatever reason you are currently not stimulating any more desire. On the one hand, this means that it would generally be good to investigate where the causes are hidden (see tip 2). Second, it means that the state doesn't always have to stay that way. And thirdly (and this is the best message) that it is in your hands to change this situation again.

Tip 2 Look for the causes of why you are not in the mood.

  • Have you never spoken about your wants and needs or shown them to your partner?
  • Are there opportunities for you to use your imagination more?
  • Should you devote more time to each other?
  • How close do you feel to your partner?
  • Are there any conflicts with your partner in everyday life that need to be resolved first?
  • Do you need more attention and understanding from your partner?
  • Do you need more time for yourself?
  • Do you need to learn to accept your body and feel attractive about yourself?
  • So far, have you asked yourself to have just as much pleasure as your partner?

Tip 3 Talk to your partner about why you don't feel like having sex and think about who needs what to feel good together. You don't have to find out all the causes and solve all the problems at once. Such a conversation is often difficult in practice, because nobody wants to hurt the other. Therefore, proceed carefully at the beginning and begin to feel your way step by step. You will see, soon it will be easier for you.

Tip 4 Remind yourself of how you got yourself in the mood at the beginning of your relationship. Chances are you've made an appointment with your partner, freshly showered and done nice. You have imagined what the meeting with your partner will be like. And all of this got you in the mood. Why shouldn't it bring back a little bit of magic today too? Think about what is good about your partner, what you particularly appreciate about the other and what strengths and characteristics he or she has. Think about the moments when they supported each other and were there for each other. Think about what you find particularly attractive about the other.

Tip 5 Draw your attention to enjoying, being close to each other and doing something good for each other. Not every sexual get-together has to lead to coitus. Besides, your body is not a machine. If you've had a busy day or aren't feeling in good shape, there may be no energy left for sex. Then it is more enjoyable for you to sit in the armchair in peace and quiet and not be disturbed by anyone.