Can you talk while kissing

CAROLINE SCHUMAN BERGHÄNDLER: "Kissing is more intimate than sex"

CAROLINE SCHUMAN BERGHÄNDLER: "Kissing is more intimate than sex"

The sexologist Caroline Schumann Berghandel explains how to test potential partners while kissing. And why the sensual gesture often falls by the wayside in long relationships.

Melissa Müller

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Caroline Schumann mountain trader, what happens when you kiss?

A lot happens hormonally. Testosterone, the male sex hormone, is found in man's saliva. When a man kisses a woman very intensely, her testosterone rises and this leads to a stimulation of sexual pleasure in her. At the same time, the cuddle hormone oxytocin is released in the sexes. There is a nice saying: "Kissing is knocking on the upper floor to see if there is still an apartment downstairs." If you kiss well, it makes you want to.

The reverse is also true. Then it's over after just one kiss.

If the chemistry is not right, it is expressed in the everyday phrase “I can't smell it”. Fragrances are transmitted directly to the brain as the only sensory impulse. The olfactory brain is one of our oldest parts of the brain.

What does smelling have to do with kissing?

When we kiss, HLA bodies are found in the other person's saliva. These are substances from the immune system. As a result, people intuitively feel how genetically different the other person is. So to a certain extent you can test whether it is genetically foreign enough for the combination of different genes to result in a child that is as resilient as possible. Sibling kisses therefore don't taste good, they have a «stable odor».

Are smokers at a disadvantage when it comes to kissing?

Smokers taste a lot less. And which of us would come up with the idea of ​​licking an ashtray? In addition, the ability to smell is impaired because the hairs in the nasopharynx are sticky or rigid. Every ex-smoker says he can smell better now and suddenly not all cheese tastes the same anymore.

If the other person is sympathetic, but the kiss wasn't that great, won't a relationship work out?

Not so great is relative. If you think: I can smell it, but two centimeters less tongue would be good, you can talk about it. But if he smells in a way that makes you sick every time, that probably won't change. Please give yourself enough time, because depending on the cycle phase of the woman, a smell is perceived differently and is different during pregnancy and everything else.

Do tight-lipped people kiss worse?

I don't think you can tell whether you're kissed with red lips that are eight millimeters wide or four millimeters narrow. In the context of sexual arousal, the lips are supplied with more blood anyway and are therefore fuller and more intensely red. A soft body hangs from a soft lip. If, on the other hand, you press your lips together and grit your teeth, it becomes difficult. The tension radiates throughout the body, spreading to the neck, diaphragm and pelvic floor. You can't kiss with a pinched mouth.

Why do some prostitutes refuse to kiss their suitors?

Many women perceive their gender far less than their mouth, to which they are more related. Holding the lower part of the body without anyone getting too close is possible. Kissing is often more intimate than sexual intercourse because here sex can be combined with love.

What is the meaning of the mouth?

First and foremost, it clearly means “nutrition”. The child in the womb has an idea of ​​its mouth at an early age. It can feel it when it drinks amniotic fluid or puts its finger in its mouth. When it comes into the world and has skin contact with its mother, it tastes the sweat, which tastes similar to the amniotic fluid. When it sucks on its breast and sweet, warm breast milk flows into its mouth, that's just fantastic. The mouth is our first place for pleasure.

Can you fall in love while kissing?

Falling in love is a whole body process that resembles a natural ecstasy high. Various hormones such as dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline and noradrenaline increase. The person in love no longer has to eat, no longer sleep, is completely fixated on the beloved partner. You can still fuel this state with kisses.

If women had to choose between kissing and sex, two thirds would choose kissing. Why

One possible explanation is our biological programs. For women, kissing is more about strengthening the bond or simply about enjoyment, closeness and intimacy. For them, sex can have an aftermath of 20 years. With kisses, she creates closeness and thus strengthens the bond. On the other hand, many men see the kiss more as a prelude to sexual activity.

Why is kissing often lost in long partnerships?

Passion is, among other things, a consequence of the hormone cocktail. And that is used up after about three years. Then calm, everyday life and common task management are in the foreground. In terms of hormones, there is no longer the situation where you want to keep falling on each other. In biological terms, being in love is a condition that demands too much strength in the long run. To put it psychiatrically: being in love is an exogenous and fortunately self-limiting psychosis.

How can you still get the kissing?

A couple can cultivate sexuality and embark on a path of learning such as tantra. That means taking your time and giving meaning to the kiss. If you understand sexuality as an important source of health, it can be a way of recharging yourself with energy. Sexuality is a learned behavior, when someone gets bored he can look for delightful variations. The prerequisite is to feel like a learner.

Kissing instructions can be found on the Internet such as: "First gently nibble the upper lip, then slowly explore the oral cavity." What do you make of it?

Instructions are good as a suggestion. But you have to find out what you like individually. There are no knitting patterns. Each couple needs to research and figure out what they want to do with each other. And maybe someone says: The right corner of my mouth is great, but please leave the left one in peace.

What is the basic requirement for kissing well?

To know: who am I? What do I like, what do I dislike? It is helpful to be able to perceive the other person, to feel what happens when, for example, I nibble on their upper lip. Depending on the reaction, I continue, stop or ask when I'm unsure. By the way, people who kiss regularly live up to eight years longer than others. So it's worth it.

What do you advise singles? Kiss as many frogs as possible?

No, I don't think indiscriminate physical contact is any good. It may be exciting and stimulating, but not necessarily life-extending. Do exactly what you enjoy, because then you will have a good charisma and increase the chance of meeting someone who has interests similar to yours. Step into the other's orbit, smell the other person and if both are in the mood, just go one step further to the first kiss.